I am never doing this again

_Daughter like Esther. 

Everyone was taking pictures and posting of their kids going back to school today. 

Today, our family hit a new milestone. My Dad has moved into a new apartment that is closer to us. I can't believe that this day has actually come. 

For anyone else who has walked through the path of helping an aging parent, a friend with mental illness and addiction, or a relative with hoarding tendencies, Hi friend. I can meet you right there in the middle of it all.

For what seemed like endless hours, days and weeks I have spent sorting, dumping, selling,  organizing and with what energy remained- cleaning. I can't tell you how many times my emotions got the best of me. I have yelled and vented. I have cried more times than I can count.

I am so thankful for the close friends and family that have given me safe spaces to process all of what is happening....[welcome to my close friends group. I treasure you too now that I feel led to share these deep feelings with others].

Oh but friends....listen in. I have so much to be grateful for. I have ideas upon ideas for different posts to tell you about. Here is one sweet perspective that I have gained from this particularly difficult weekend. 

I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor as I scrambled to finish today. As my muscles screamed for me to stop and my eyes swelled up with more tears- I said for the millionth time "I am never doing this again". 

Then it happened. 

God whispered to me. He said. "This is an example of my love for you. I sent my son to clean up the dirt of your life, your mistakes, and your choices. In his perfect sacrifice, he only needed to do it once. But my child, he would choose to do it over and over again... for you".

I'd like to say after that revelation, my heart completely changed and I could say that I would take on this challenge again if my Dad needed me to. But instead, I am embracing that I cannot imagine doing this again. Instead, I am giving praise to God that he has chosen me and that in his perfect love- he would AND does choose me again and again...every time. WOW. What a love that is. 

Onward into tomorrow friends. Say those words back to yourself tonight. God would do the worst thing imaginable, again and again. Because you are worth that much to him. 

_Daughter like Esther.