just begin

_Daughter like Esther. 

Just the beginnings. 

May 2016. I started a new job as the a Director of Faith Community Nursing. Oh my how my heart changed in James Place. Shortly after I started, God whispered to me "My child, how is it that you can care so deeply for these strangers but you have no feelings or care towards your own Dad?" 

So what did I do?

Ignored that repeated whisper for 2 years of course. 

March 4, 2018 Journal Entry reads- "God, you are growing me. So many areas of my life seem to make sense right now- all but the relationship with ___ (my Dad's nickname. I couldn't even say "Dad"). It's so complicated that I am grateful I don't even have to try and think of the right words to go here. You know it far better than I could ever attempt to explain. Why is praying for him so hard? But in obedience, I will try". 

Sunday sermon notes from that week are immediately below that entry. "Do you believe that God can? That God is able?"

Bitterness and rebellion ravage the soul like a flesh eating bacteria. Sure you can ignore it, but you aren't better off for it. Friends, I encourage you. Listen. Listen to that still small whisper. What is it trying to say to you this day? Perhaps like me, you have heard it before. Perhaps not. But don't let bitterness, rejection and fear of what the future holds win the battle over your heart. 

Easter 2018. I stopped ignoring and acted. While my feelings towards my Dad did not change...or even exist at this point, I just picked up the phone and texted. Do not wait to figure out your feelings. God will do his part....just begin yours. 

This photo was colored by my Dad on his 65th day of sobriety. As a minimalist...I don't keep much.

But this...this I will keep.

_Daughter like Esther.