_Daughter like Esther.
Have you ever been able to relive a childhood moment as an adult?
Sometimes those experiences are great...like each time you eat your best friends' moms' chopped meat and creamettes recipe. Or when you hear "We didn't start the fire" by Billy Joel and you can see yourself dancing and spinning in circles without a clue of what the lyrics were about. Or when you see the Facebook posts that say "click here to relive your 90's childhood". Ok, these are some of my happy memories... and unless you are my bestie Amanda, you probably don't share these same experiences. But you catch where I am going.
I had another similar experience this weekend when Hadleigh and I went to the church library and to my surprise, she pulled out a much condensed, children's version of "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe". Immediately, I remembered how much I loved the story. I think as adults we crave the type of mystery that an enchanted world through a standard wardrobe tells. Let me find that on Wayfair!
As I started to read through the pages that were quite densely populated with tons of words, I expected her to get bored and lose interest. Instead, she not only sat through this first book that told the first child's story but also Edmunds, Aslan's and another version that was the entire story. I actually had to tell her that we needed to finish the books at home because the library was closing!
As I sat there reading this story to her, I fell in love with it all over again. Oh how much symmetry to the story of Jesus and his love for us. A story laced with love, suspense, action, redemption, and restoration. All the feels. So...why is this important...apart from the obvious parallels to God's plan for this world.
I'll tell you friends... it spoke to me and my story with my Dad. You'll find it on the page in the photo above. The second paragraph states this "Here is your brother," Aslan said, "and-- there is no need to talk to him about what is passed."
Yup, you read it. Aslan just skips past the fact that he rescued their brother, Edmund, who told the wicked white queen [in desperate need of bronzer] the exact location where his brother and sisters were at so that she could kill them all.
And if that wasn't shocking enough... he says the most important part of this sentence. "and-- there is no need to talk to him about what is passed."
Oh how many things I would fit in that hyphen. This one will summarize them all.
"Here is your selfish brother who traded you each over to the wicked queen for more Turkish Delights AND-- I think we should take at least 3 chapters to discuss what your brother did wrong to you so he can fully grasp what he did and how he can take responsibilities for each and every wrong decision.
That's what I would have said.
You all are smart. I think you can see where I am going with this.
As I read these words outloud to Hadleigh they bounced right off my lips and straight to my soul.
I started blogging to help me work through feelings and emotions that I had trouble naming. When I reached out to my Dad initially, my brother went with me for the first visit. He later shared with me that he thought that I had intended to get answers, discuss my Dad's decisions and maybe get closure on our past.
Here is the interesting part friends. No, I take that back. Here is the straight up God being God part.
Since I initiated [or God helped me initiate] this relationship Easter 2018, I have not once discussed the past with my Dad. I have not shared how I felt unimportant, insignificant and forgotten. I have not said how his actions spoke so much louder than the few words that were said. I hated each decision that he made over being there for his kids. This is raw truth friends.
But here is the beauty in letting God be God. He will take care of it. I've said it before and I will repeat it again. If you show up and do your part.. however small of a part that is; God will do his.. no matter how big of a part that is.
God said to me "Here is your Dad, and-- there is no need to talk to him about what is passed."
I know that in some scenarios, conversation and closure is a necessary part to healing. Please don't get me wrong. My situation may not be like yours. But perhaps it is?
God is stitching together my heart and healing the wounds. I don't even think that if I hashed out everything I felt I once needed to say it would do any good. I could never properly convey it all anyways. My words are tainted with selfish motivation and pride. What good would it be if I just sent my flaming words straight to my Dad's soul?
So instead...let's hold on to "But God" and give a whole lotta grace friends.
Today at church, our Pastor and dear friend, Jason sent this home in his message on Ephesians 2:1-10.
We were part of this world but because of God we are made alive with Christ so that He could unite us to himself and show us his immeasurable wealth of grace for we are God's glorious inheritance created for good works through him.
That's hard to condense an amazing sermon into 1 really long run-on sentence!
Just as I received the gift of underserved kindness [grace] so am I called to GIVE that gift to others.
By giving the gift of free grace to someone who doesn't deserve it, it opens the door to a relationship. Just as Christ did for us. How amazing that we can do this for others?
Just remember this... None of us got into the family because we deserved it.
Who do you know that doesn't deserve your grace, but because God gave it to you, you can choose to give it away too.
Praying for you all my dear reader friends!
_Daughter like Esther.