_Mothering like Esther.
Now I don't really have the facts if Queen Esther had children. I can't find a mention of it in her book. But what I do know is that she was a Queen. And based on the beautiful book written by Jill Briscoe, titled "Queen of Hearts", I am going to write about Mothering like a Queen of my child's heart.
Proverbs 31:28 says "Her children arise up, and call her blessed..." Oh how I want Hadleigh to feel this way about her Momma. I want to be recognized when I parent well. I want her to see when I am making a slam dunk in parenting. I want her to somehow not be a 3 year old and see how much patient I have when she thinks I have none. But the truth is... I mess up ALL THE TIME. She knows it...I know it...and others have seen my mistakes.
The other night, Jerry came home after being at work all day and both Hadleigh AND I were crying. I went into the bedroom...not even catching him up to speed (let's be honest...we were far beyond whatever started this whole episode- you Momma's know what I'm talking about!). I closed the door and sat on the floor in front of the door crying some more as Hadleigh tried to come in.
I hate moments and memories like this friends. They mostly remind me of my brokenness and failure. But when I sit back and reflect- it reminds me so much more of how Jesus never shuts the door on us. He doesn't sit on the other side hoping that he gets 5 minutes of quiet. He doesn't block out our tantrums and emotions. He is on the other side, welcoming us into his arms.
I am OK with minor parenting mishaps because those happen. The minor ones are so much easier to forget and move on. But while this episode was painful, it really made me actually rely most on the Holy Spirit to do a work in BOTH of us.
So often I want a child that will listen the first time, not the eleventh time with bribes linked to a new set of princess jammies. So often I just want the "easy to parent" child (if that even exists?). But God knows that my Momma heart needs a Hadleigh, and her Hadleigh heart needs me as her Momma. If I had an easy kiddo, my prayers would be so much less frequent. I need Jesus each and every moment to help.
Jesus take the wheel is my new mantra. Instead of being embarrassed by it, I am embracing it. He should have had it in the first place.
_Mothering like Esther.